Sunday, December 26, 2010

Crap My Mom Says #2

Mom: "Nooo! No, no, no, no..."
Me: "What? What happened?"
Mom: "I'm the highest bidder on this Ebay thing!"
Me: "That's a good thing, Mom. It's the point of Ebay."
Mom: "Nooo, I was just looking at pasta dough mixers to see what was out there, and I saw one for $175, so I bid $180 just...for...well, I don't know. But I thought someone was going to outbid me, so it wouldn't matter what I bid."
Me: "Why did you bid on it if...nevermind. I'm sure someone else will bid on it."
Mom: "It's been up for 3 days, I'm the only bidder, and there's 20 minutes left..."

I'm not entirely sure what her thought process was, but I guess now she is the proud owner of a pasta dough mixer...?

Oh, Mom.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Crap My Mom Says #1

"There's no way I could ever be a lesbian. I hate women."

I'm not even going to get into details about what kind of conversation started that one. But my mom is always saying things that would be foot-in-mouth for other people.


Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Pep Talk

Self pep talk for an overcast December day:

You don't have any pressing tasks today -- Well, you're at work, but you took care of everything you had to do here, and now, if anything, you have to look like you are doing something productive and important. So quit going over in your head things that need to be done. Biggest thing you got to do when you get home? Wrap a couple of presents. Woahh, someone give that girl a Klondike bar.
Despite your critical looks in the mirror this morning, your eye make-up doesn't make you look stupid. It's not that smeared. You probably could have gone a little more natural and let up on the eye liner, but whatever. Who's looking at your eyes? The Fed-Ex guy doesn't care that you slapped on make-up or that your complexion is a little redder than normal today.
And who says you have to be merry just because it's Christmas? The Muppets and clay-mation characters don't count. It's not a holiday to be used as an excuse to walk on eggshells for other people so that you feel warm and fuzzy inside. You care about people, right? So show them. Do it in the name of the love Christ has filled you with, not in the name of a commercialized occasion.
And He does love you. You hardly have an idea who He is, but the fact that you haven't turned from faith all together speaks volumes. Part of you acknowledges that He is the only means of your recovery. And that's what this is. It's recovery. From an affliction that you have been able to suppress until now. You're in a rehab of sorts, so start acting that way. Let yourself heal.

Now quit blogging to yourself, ya crazy.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sin and Cosine and going off on a Tangent

Since school has ended, I've been trying to fill my time with productive things, but I enjoy just laying around doing nothing so much more. And I'm finding myself okay with that for the most part. I normally flip out when I don't have anything productive to do, but my brain is on constant overload and really just wants guilt-free down time.
Huh. Guilt-free. I've been so guilt-ridden about things lately and it's making me want to hurl myself off a cliff (figuratively. I have a low pain tolerance). No matter what I do, I feel like I'm not meeting my own standards morally, financially, physically, mentally, what have you. I'm always trying to fix myself. Trying to hold on to inner peace before it slips away again. And my brain is not cooperating.
I even feel guilt sometimes about not being as close to God as I know I should be. But then, how close are we supposed to be to God? I mean, he's God. I guess we aren't always supposed to feel completely on the same wavelength as one who is all-powerful. But he is a personal God, too. So why do I always feel distanced from him?
What I need is prayer. And I don't mean my own intercessory prayers that make me feel as if I'm doing something wrong, or I'm not "praying the right way." There's no wrong way to pray, I get that, but lately I've felt like I've switched to AT&T's prayer line, and I'm sick of the dropped calls.
And then I feel like I'm taking it way too seriously. It's hard to know if you're taking eternity to seriously or not. It's not something you can learn from others who have experienced it about. For obvious reasons.
I guess what I really need is support. Spiritual support (and as long as we are talking about phone companies, I hope it's nothing like T-mobile's support).


So things are up and down and up and down and making me dizzy and sick and crazy and tired... I'm riding the sin and cosine waves, and the domain is (-∞, ∞). Oo, look who learned something in MA 112 this year..
But I kinda jipped that metaphor from It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, one of the three books I'm trying to read right now. So far it's really really good, though. Can't wait to finish it and watch the movie. And the story line pretty much goes along with what I'm going through.

And now, I still have no clue why I just spilled all of that out in a blog post, but there it is.

Sincerely,

Dani

Monday, December 13, 2010

Getting into the Christmas Spirit

Our tree is up, indoor decorations are set, and outdoor lighting is a go, although I had nothing to do with the setting up process of either of the three. I absolutely hate Christmas decorating. So shoot me. I just abhor pulling all the crap out and setting it up for a few days, only to take it down soon after. However, I love having the tree in the living room because when it's lit up, it warms the room. Figuratively, anyway. And I like driving past people's lit up houses. Just don't like doing the dirty work, I guess.
I just realized that I am wearing an Alabama Snuggie. I told myself I'd never buy a Snuggie, and I've upheld that part of the deal, but I don't know how I feel about wearing one. It's my little sister's, so I guess since it's freakin' cold outside (and a little bit inside), I can break my prejudice against these things, no matter how brain shattering their commercials are.
Back to Christmas. So, I love roasting marshmallows over fires. Love, love, love it. I like to let them burn a little too. So tasty. My mom bought some logs for our fire place, and I asked her to buy me some big marshmallows so I could roast some. She was skeptical, but she probably bought them thinking I'd give up my intentions after realizing how ridiculous they were.


Me and the sister roasting 'mallows. She looks a little apprehensive..
 
I couldn't find wire hangers to roast the 'mallows with, so I went for the next best thing. Metal knitting needles make wonderful 'mallow roasters (until the flaming 'mallow begins to slide down the needle toward your uncovered hand). I had a good time, and the marshmallows tasted pretty great. I'm sure the health department won't be including indoor knitting needle 'mallow roasting in their holiday safety brochures anytime soon, but it can't be much worse than roasting them out side with a dirty stick.

I generally enjoy Christmas time, but it also makes me a little depressed. It's such a consumer-driven holiday, and I know it's always been that way, but I'm becoming more and more aware of it as I get older. And when light sheds on the darker side of things, it scares away the positives of the holiday as well. It makes charitable endeavors subject to ambiguous financial gains. And it conditions us to limit showing affection for those we love to one day of the year. Today, you have to get along with your family...because it's Christmas! So grit your teeth and bear it. Then you can go on ignoring the broken dynamics for the rest of the year.

And don't get me started on New Years Resolutions.. well, I'm sure I'll touch on that when New Years comes. Pass up a good opportunity to whine about something? No sir. :]

Anyway, I hope you all are enjoying your festivities leading up to this holiday, even if I just bashed it. All in all, I truly do wish that people would make the most of the time they have with their families and, God willing, remember why it is celebrated in the first place.

Peace, love, and hugs,

Dani

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Apps & Such

I'm going to share some of my favorite Android apps. Why? No idea. But here goes.

I have an Android (Samsung Vibrant, woop woop), and I love browsing the market for new apps (that are FREE. If it's not free, I'm probably not going to get it). Some of my favorites:

Astrid Tasks
I use this app to remind myself of upcoming assignments, tests, projects, appointments, etc. Great user interface, and it can be synchronized with Google Calendar (which makes adding a bunch of tasks via a computer then adding them to your phone a lot easier).

 Personally, I hate using headphones to talk to people on the phone hands-free because it takes too long to get them into my ears (securely and comfortably), and bluetooth devices freak me out because people who use them in public look like they are talking to themselves (or I think they are trying to talk to me, which is just as awkward). When "Car Mode" is activated, I don't have to worry about answering the call and finding the speaker phone button while driving. It automatically puts the caller on speaker phone so you can spend less time with your eyes off the road (I know, don't use your phone and drive, but in the real world, there are some calls that must be answered asap. Texting, however, can and should wait. Plus, if you have a touch phone, there is no way physically possible to focus on driving and text unless you're so addicted to texting that you have memorized the distances your fingers must travel to press each letter, in which case you should be psychoanalyzed. But I digress...).

This is a simple app that reminds you to breathe (Come again? Dani, do you really need an app to remind you? Freakin' moron..). Before you second guess my sanity, try two minutes of controlled, mindful breathing, and you'll see why I think this app is great. Helps me to relax.



In other news, I had a really simple, yet absolutely perfect birthday this week. Got some great gifts and had some delicious cake from Coldstone Creamery.
I have a final on Sunday, 2 on Monday, and a project that's not due until next Friday. Then I'm doneeee with this semesterrrrrr, oh my goodnesss, I can't waitttttt. Ready for a change. So ready.

Do you like discovering new apps? What types of apps do you like best?

Or, just tell me about other stuff you like to discover on the web/on your phone.

Sincerely,

Dani

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Gobble Gobble

Just got done eating a wonderful dinner. My mom and I resolved to make our own Thanksgiving dinner this year, which is a big deal. Our family was invited to two dinners this year, and though we appreciated the offer, we really wanted to just have a layed back, enjoyable meal without the awkwardness of being in someone else's home stuffing our faces and then scrounging up decent conversations with people we rarely see. Okay, maybe that wasn't my mom's reasoning, but it was close, I'm sure.
So, this morning at about 4:30, my mom went to the store and bought one of the last two turkeys (good to know we weren't the only losers who wait until the day of to buy supplies). One of the guys that works there even showed her where he hid some extra boxes of pumkin bread mix for the last minute folks.
I worked on the apple pie crust for at least two hours. It was either too dry, too moist, too crumbly, etc. I finally got one batch to roll out perfectly, but as I lifted it to line the glass pan, I realized I didn't put enough flour underneath it, and it stuck to the counter. My luck. I ended up lumping it together and flattening it out in the pan instead. You gotta do what you gotta do to make stuff work.
The turkey, which was supposed to only take 3 hours to cook, took 5 hours, so our 3 o'clock meal turned into a 5 o'clock meal. But that's okay. It was satisfying.

Dropped quote from dinner conversation:
Mom - "Jared, I have one question, and I want the truth. What was your harmonica, a roll of toliet paper, your inhaler, and a bar of soap doing in your pillow case?"

You had to be there, I guess.

How was everyone else's Thanksgiving? Or, if you don't live in the US, how has your week been so far?

Cheers,

Dani

PS. Check out the feedback form I made (the link should be on the toolbar at the bottom of the window). Fill it out, por favor! (and if the link doesn't work, lemme know). Thanksss.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Devestation and Reform

I've learned so much lately about life. These things just hit me like a ton of bricks, it seems.
First off, I can't even begin to explain the dynamics of my family because we'd be here for several hours, but I can say that the past's events left me with ill feelings toward my dad. Holding a grudge, they say, is harmful to the soul. But how can you forgive someone who doesn't even understand that they've hurt you? Like they filter out what they don't want to hear. What if that person is your father, and you can't just purge your life of him because he's bad for you. What's harder, in my case, is that all of this is unspoken. There is an elephant in the room, so to speak, every time we are in the same room. Neither of us speak of it.
But I've discovered an explanation for the way he is, and why he acts the way he does, and it is that he can't understand. He's not a cold-hearted person who can't see that he's pushing away the people that love him most in this world. He's simply incapable of making that connection. There are psychological labels for it, but I'm going to leave it at that. By coming to this realization, I am more willing to give him a chance. More willing to actually hang out with him. It's just kind of sad that that is all it will ever be. Hanging out. The role of a "father" is somewhat void in my life.
But that's where I let go of the past and look at what I have right now in the present moment. I have a Father that answers me. Like, seriously answers me. If you're turned off to this because it sounds cliche, I don't blame you, but know that I don't write hokey crap just because it sounds nice. I asked God to show me some things recently, and he immediantly gave me an answer that I could not attribute to anything but Him. I know that my healing, physically and emotionally, is going to only come from Him. I just have to learn that I can't control my own healing process. He's already planned it for me. Sucks for an uptight worrier like me, but I'm sure it won't suck for long.
I'll save some of the other things for another time. I'm supposed to be finishing an essay that is due in 45 minutes (that I've had all week to do). STUPID END OF THE SEMESTERR.


Cheers,
Dani

PS. What's new with all of you? Tell me about stuff.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Attractive Legs.. for Ants

Today I asked my mom to pick me up some lemon juice from Walmart while she got groceries. She asked me why I needed lemon juice. I told her not to worry about it, but she wouldn't let it go, so I told her it was for a cosmetic experiment and not to judge me and to get me my freakin' lemon juice (I was kinder than that, though).
She knows I'm a product junky, and she also knows that I like to try unconventional beauty treatments. I recently learned about "sugaring" for hair removal, and when I saw that you could do it at home, there was no way I was going to not try it. The recipe called for sugar, water, and lemon juice. That's it. And I looked up the tecnique on youtube and decided it didn't look that hard. I could do that too. No sweat.
I mixed the sugar paste (which entails heating the ingredients on the stove until the mixture is dark brown). Then I let it cool, poured it into a container, and followed the directions for application.
You have to grab a glob of this sticky stuff with your hands, roll it into a ball, smooth it on with pressure against the grain of your hair growth, and then pull it off little by little and quickly with the growth of your hair. It was not by any means as easy as I thought it would be. My mixture was perfect, and I applied it correctly, but my hairs got together and decided they weren't going to go without a fight. Just before I swiped the sugar off, one yelled, "HOLD, brothers!" Two were sleeping, so they came out, but the others were on their game.
I love personifying random, non-living things :]

So, about that last post, it was a bit random, I know. Totally unlike what I usually write. Yes, it was about apples; yes, my grandmother really had an apple tree with nasty apples on it; yes, there is some subtext in there. Just kinda felt like writing it.

And thus ends my crazy post for today. I need to be focusing on the two essays I have to write this weekend.



Arrivedercci!



Thursday, November 11, 2010

Purple, Yellow, Rotting, Bruised

For as long as I could remember, the apples never looked very appetizing. I'm not sure they were ever really fit to eat. Maybe when the tree was young, maybe then my grandma would go outside and gather up the apples for a pie or something. I never asked her, though, so I'm not sure.
But for as long as I've been around, they have been rotten. Even the new ones still on the tree. I pick up a fallen apple and turn it over and over in my hands. Its skin is yellow and pale. And bruised. Painfully bruised. Some spots are soft and mushy, and others are compact as if there is a small rock underneath. The surface is broken in a few places, and its begun to dry out.
I look around and see that the other fallen apples are the same way. Tossing the apple aside, I sit under the shade of the tree in the lush, green grass. We don't have grass like this in my yard, or in any yards in our neighborhood for that matter. Leaning against the tree, I look around me. I see purple, yellow, rotting, bruised apples nestled in a carpet of green. I see my legs stretched out in front of me, craddled in the carpet of green next to purple, yellow, rotting, bruised apples.

I pull my legs in to my chest and begin to cry.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I'M NOT DEAD

I swear. I've just got sooo many things going on. Deadlines. sleep. Work. food. Family. School. You know how it goes.
I've got this major research paper due tomorrow, and guess what page I'm on. Page 5. Yeah. Sad thing is, I've been working my butt off on it. It's just a really confusing topic. I also went to advising for classes in the Spring (for which I register next week). I'm all like, "Here's a list of the classes I'd like to take," and the guy's all like, "Herm, humph, errr, we usually put our second semester students in these classes." So he signs his name next to his classes, but I've already checked to make sure my classes fulfill my credits, and they do, so maybe he just doesn't like the classes I chose. In which case he should probably pull some strings to get those classes out of the catalogue, or at least take them off the approved list on my student web account so that next time I won't spend my already limited time making up a schedule. Or maybe he should just change jobs.

Work is pretty great. I just got home from it, so I'm not incredibly enthusiastic about it at the moment. Eight hours is draining. But I work with some interesting people, and I'm learning some neat-o stuff about administrative management and stuff. Yeah, I just used neat-o.

That's all I really feel like writing about at the moment. Maybe I'll get some free time and some interesting things to talk about one day soon.

Sincerely,

Danielle Dani

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Get Out There and Live!

(..then come back and blog about it)

"I've said it before: it's always better to be out and have fun then to blog..."
 If I had a reader's quote of the week, this one (compliments of the lovely Moon) from my last post would surely take the prize. Blogging is great, but what do you have to blog about if you aren't taking time to enjoy the simple wins, not taking a single breath for granted? Zippo. That's nothing. And a metal lighter manufacturer.

My work load is pretty insane right now. So many freakin' dealines. Papers, tests, reading assignments, etc. On top of that, I'm determined not to wait until the last minute (like I did last year) to apply for scholarships, so I'm having to gather up bushels of information and email bazillions of people. Oh, and these people, by the way, are set on giving me a hard time. I've come to the conclusion that my questions to them are an inconvenience, nevermind the fact that it is their job to help me out.

Anyway, as I cross items off my to-do list, more appear in their place. What's a girl to do?


Peace, Love, and Hugs,

DB

PS. I'm trying out the new toolbar thingy at the bottom of the window just to spice things up and make my blog a little more dynamic. Let me know what you think, and if you have any other suggestions regarding the look and feel of this site, do tell.

Oh, and, can you guess who I wanna be for halloween? :]
(If you guessed Elmo, you're getting warmer. Guess again).

Of course, my dress would be wayyy cuter and significantly less revealing. I don't do that whole "BAM! In your face!" cleavage thing.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Goosefraba

I'm a bad blogger. I update sporadically. My apologies.

I spent the weekend at the beach with the boyfranddd and his family. Super fun! I absolutely love the beach--sea shells, sand, the oceans, seaweed (and seaweed-flinging fights), jumping dolphins, guilt-free laziness--everything. Love it, love it, love it.
But I'm glad to be back. I wanna go to the mountains soon. Then a spanish-speaking country. Then Europe.

Have you ever watched Dexter? If you haven't, you should start. Here's the premise, in a nutshell:

Dude's a serial killer, only kills murders, ironically, trying to satiate his craving for killing by killing for good. The real kicker? He works for the Miami metro police department as a blood-spatter analyst. Catching bad guys, killing bad guys, all in good fun.

I found a new weapon to battle all my "issues" ('cause Lord knows I got enough to patch the hole in the ozone layer). I'm going to use serenity to combat choas. I'm looking into meditation relaxation techniques. Not the "ommm" become one with mother nature stuff. Just...I don't know, taking time to breathe? Silly new-age ideas.
If I had to pick a mantra, I'd probably go with "goosefraba." I think it's that "ooo" sound that makes it so relaxing. Gooooosefraba. Moving on..

I wish I had more to say right now, but I don't, and this medicine that is supposed to make me feel calmer is instead making me eyelids involuntarily close, so I'm gonna go to bed.

Night, lovelies.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Digress to Progress

"You may be right.
I may be crazy,
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."

Good song. Fun lyrics :]


     Writing a post is the last thing I should be doing now, but I definitely don't feel like reading the play I have a quiz on in and hour and a half or study for the math test I have tonight. Digress to progress, that's what I always say.
     That's a lie. I've never said that. But I should. Sometimes rearranging your priorities is okay and lets you enjoy life.
     So apparently I've been in the right place at the right time this week as far as informative publications go. First off, I wrote an argumentative paper for English about smoking on campus, and after tweaking it a bit, I submitted it to the student-led school newspaper. They published it in the opinion column this morning :] Oh happy day. If you are super bored and want to read it, go here.
     Then, on Monday, while waiting for some people to show up for a volunteering opportunity (I was to meet them at the student center, and we were going to go to a local elementary school), a distracted driver simulation was being held where I was waiting. I had a few minutes to kill, so I decided to check it out.
The director of the simulation asked me to step into the car that was hooked up to some fancy computer program. I put on a pair of goggles that allowed me to see the virtual driving course. Then I was asked to try to send a text message while "driving" through the program. Thing is, the goggles would not stay on properly, and what I could see through them was blurry and made me feel as though I was cross-eyed.
     When I finished the simulation (after running myself off a cliff out of frustration), I went to see my results, and made a remark like, "That was interesting, but I don't usually drive cross-eyed."
     A girl next to me asked, "So you don't think it was a very accurate study?" I said that, yes, I didn't think it was accurate since the steering was over-sensitive and the goggles made the course blurry. She asked if she could quote me for an article she is writing for the student newspaper. I agreed, and she asked me if I learned anything through the simulation. I said that it taught me not to let go of the steering wheel out of frustration or you'll run yourself off a cliff.
     Yesterday, my teacher-turned-friend-who-is-now-an-author called me about an article she is writing for Teen Vogue, and she wanted to conduct an interview we had previously talked about. I can't wait to read the article! I shared some super personal stuff, but I don't feel the need to keep that stuff in an attic anymore.

Interesting week.

And my weekend is gonna be way fun. Going to the beach with TJ and his family! I can't begin to describe how much I'm craving a day at the beach right now.

That's all, folks.
What's going on with you guys?

DB

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I Am So Much Better Than Before

"I am so much better than before" after watching an off-broadway production of Legally Blonde The Musical. I honestly didn't think I'd have as much fun as I did, but it is truly an entertaining, feel-good experience. And the songs are freakin' catchy.
I haven't had much to write about lately..well, actually, I've had enough to write about but no motivation or stamina to form complete thoughts. I'm kinda forcing myself to write at this moment even though I'm exhausted. Things have been going pretty well, but I keep letting the little things get me down lately, and that definitely goes against my endorsement of simple wins in life and the power they hold. Little positive things can make someone's day. It can leave such a profound impression on a person's mind no matter how minuscule it may seem to others.
At my last job, I was a cashier, and one day at work a lady came through my checkout line with her son (who was about my age), and she looked at me and said:
"This is probably going to sound strange, but I just feel like I gotta say it. You look like you could be a movie star. You just have that glamorous look. Like, old Hollywood glamour."
Her son's face turned bright red, but she didn't mind. I didn't mind either. She probably had no idea how amazing her comment made me feel. I saw her one other time in the store, but I don't know her name, and it's likely I'll never meet her again. Still, I think about that from time to time.

I have so much to be thankful for at this point in my life, and I only have the Lord to thank for that. There's part of me that still holds back a bit from living a life 100% committed to Him and keeping my focus on Him, but I love Him. I love Him more now than I ever have in my entire life, I'm convinced. But I still let myself get caught up in stress and deadlines and sadness and people and work and school and whatever else, and I give him my sloppy left overs. It does no good to feel convicted on Sunday mornings only to spend time with God. I want to be free from condemnation.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."

After all this time, I can't believe I still remember those lines from Romans 8 since I learned them in the 6th grade. I barely remember what I did two days ago.

I have so much more to talk about, but the words just don't want to come out right now, I guess. Thanks so much for all of the lovely comments to my posts, you guys. And dudee, I have 45 followers now. Considering I started out at zero, and since my blog isn't exactly a blog of interest but more of the ramblings of a chick who doesn't know her left from her right some days, I'm pretty thrilled.

Go make someone smile today.
Grab a cup of coffee first, if you must.




Cheers,

Dani

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Skeletons Are Icky

Hey hey hey. It's late. I'm sleepy. But I had a lightening strike of inspiration for a free form poem and had to get it out, unedited, before I changed my mind. Let me preface this by saying, for those of you that know me personally, I wrote this to help clean my closet a bit. There are some skeletons that I need to get rid of because a) skeletons are icky and b) I'm making steps rid myself of emotional baggage I hoard because I don't know what else to do with it, but I don't want to carry it with me to this next phase of my life. Especially because I'm traveling with another :] But here it goes:

We had our go
until you decided it was time
to see other people.
It would have been nice
If you had told me so
Before you set your sights
On another.

But we were so young.
One can hardly be blamed
For childish mistakes.

A year later,
Your eyes were back on me,
And I was skeptical,
Yet a hopeless romantic
Who wanted to change you.
Seventeen Magazine said
I could change you.
One night you followed me home,
Got out of your car,
And kissed me
long and hard
without a word,
then left,
My mind replayed it over and over
And my mind cast you as the leading role
Of my thoughts.
But sometime between then
And the next time we saw each other
Your mind retreated.

Maybe you were afraid of commitment,
But I was sure you were just afraid
Of being seen with me.
I was a good idea,
But I didn't quite sparkle
Like a trophy should.

I would like to say
That all of this is not intended
To bring you down
Or make you look like the bad guy,
But I'm a woman of integrity.

Now you say you consider me
A close friend
And that I'm fun to be around.
I grin and say thanks.

You say you're lonely these days
Even though you are surrounded by friends.
I say that's too bad
And that I'm praying for you.
I'm a woman of my word.

I'm praying that you get your act together,
but not before you realize
You can't fix everything with charm.

That's a horrible thing to wish someone
especially one you consider a friend,
But I can't find it in me
To consider you anything but a regret.

But one day,
Some day soon I'm sure,
I'll think of you with warm regards
While I sit in the warmth of my new love's arms.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dermatillomasaurus

    WARNING: LONG POST

    Ughhh, I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. I've been wayy busy. Currently, I'm at work, my bosses are in a meeting, and I am at my desk doing "homework." I've made an honest effort at my math practice test, honest to goodness, but so much has caught my attention this morning.
     For one, I found an awesome resource for Dermatillomania/CPS/compulsive skin picking, etc, whatever you want to call it. I've had my dukes up against this battle for a year or two now, but if you saw my legs you'd think I'd been at it for numerous years. Though I've made some drastic changes to my thinking/behaviors, I'm still not free from CSP. It's nearly impossible to explain to someone who doesn't have any form of OCD or anxiety disorders what it's like to not be able to control your own behavior or suppress destructive urges. My mom keeps trying to scare me out of my skin picking. She's a physical therapist and a specialist in wound care, so she has seen patients who have had to have limbs amputated due to an infection from skin picking. I wrote about it three months ago when my mom first started noticing my sores:


When I'm bored, I feel unproductive. When I feel unproductive, I get antsy. When I'm antsy, I habitually pick at my skin. That's embarrassing to admit. But there it is. Merry Christmas.
Really, though, I've had an anxiety disorder for as long as I could remember. But it has changed over the years. First, I was insecure and depressed. Then, I was moody and mercurial. Now, I'm anxious and stressed (hopefully it goes without saying that this is not all the time. I am a fairly content person, but I go through temporary happiness eclipses).  I've always had the habit of biting my nails, but now, I've altered the habit to picking at my nails. Also, I pick at the skin on my legs. It's gotten so bad that I have sores and bumps. I don't like wearing shorts in public. I finally have the healthy, thin shape I've always wanted, but I can't show it because I have to hide my skin. The only place I felt safe from judgment was home until recently when my mom began noticing my skin.
"It makes me sad just looking at those," my mom said a couple of afternoons ago when I entered the room.
"Looking at what?" I asked.
She lowered her eyes to my legs. "Those sores." She continued to tell me how scary looking they had gotten and, honestly, she may as well have said that my legs were ugly now and that it was all my fault.
 "You could lose your legs, Danielle. If they got infected and it spread, you would have to get your leg amputated to stop the disease." By this time she had raised her voice to the point of almost yelling at me. "Do you want that? Do you want to lose your leg from MRSA or a staph infection?" She was yelling now. "Stop hurting yourself!"

My mom and I have an open, honest relationship, and I'm aware of and thankful for her protective nature over me, but I was now the bug under the rock who looks up to find a little kid standing over him instead of the rock. I know how it feels to be poked and prodded at when all you want to do is burrow yourself into some moist dirt where no one can examine you.

I've tried explaining to her that if I could stop, I would have a long time ago. If my health was enough to stop, I wouldn't have these sores and scars. I'm driven by the desire to have clear skin; maybe it's a touch of perfectionism. Ironically, though my mind is convinced that picking will solve my skin issues (acne, ingrown hairs, etc), it is the very thing causing my skin to deteriorate and become irritated. I know it to be a fact that picking will not fix my skin and that it is hurting me, but stopping cold-turkey only causes me to become more frustrated and antsy.
     I'm sharing all of this now because a) it's a major part of my life now and shouldn't have to hide it and b) resources for CSP self-treatment is so incredibly limited. The resource I found today is the first I've seen to actually explain the disease from the perspective of someone who has been afflicted with it, and it provides ways you can combat it.
     The thought of ridding myself from CSP thrills me and scares me at the same time. But I want to be able to say I conquered it so that I can be living proof that you can be free from the daily torture. I want to help people living with Dermatillomania and similar disorders to get their lives back. We could start a club, even. Secret handshake and all (and provide hand sanitizer afterward for those among us who don't like to shake hands).


I love this song. It's so uplifting. Ch-ch-check it. 

Friday, September 3, 2010

Potpourri

I haven't posted anything in foreverrrrrrrr, so this may be a long post, but I'm going to try to keep it short and sweet for those of you, like me, have little patience/short attention spans. Just want to give a little update on what I've been up to. I'll keep the ranting to a minimum.

So college is off to a busy start and has unrelentlessly consumed my thoughts, schedule, conversations, and now my social networking. Cheyeah. It's that bad.
I'm finally feeling like a part of the UA scene. I've lived about fifteen minutes from campus for twelve years and have not once felt comfortable walking around campus up until this point. Now I feel a stronger sense of "we're all in the same boat, just trying to make it to class on time" instead of "I bet they can all tell I'm an underclassman." I've made immense progress with my anxiety since starting college. Big places with lots of people used to intimidate me, but I'm coping with those circumstances more frequently now and trying new things.
Speaking of anxiety, it's getting better, but I'm still working on it. I haven't tried the West Side Story or Inuit Relaxation techniques yet, though. My counselor tells me over and over that anxiety is and will always be a part of my life, so I have to make friends with it and accommodate accordingly when I know I'll have to face a stressful situation. I'd like to commence this new friendship with a swift kick to the balls, but that might make the relationship a little tense in the future.
My new job is a total God-send. I work 8+ hours twice a week which gives me time to get some homework done and make a little cashhmoneyy at the same time. Plus, my boss has given me a task which requires me to organize data from one system and transfer it to another for event/class room reservations. It's right up my alley! I love making lists and compiling data (I used to play a game with my cousin where he was the big CEO of a publishing company, and I was the secretary that reviewed emails of authors and who transcribed letters for him. Oh my gosh, that sounds so totally psycho. We were weird, okay?).

There's so much going on at once these days, but I'm guessing that it will level out soon. I'll write more as my thoughts become less jumbled.

Peace, Love, and Hugs,


Dani


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Freshman Year Commences

Wednesday was my first day in the Super League of Cool College Kids, and I'm feeling pretty mixed about it. Wait, let me back-track real quick..

Follow-up on my last post 'Maybe I Should Have Adventures':
Mission Conquering Campus was a success, for the most part. I proved to myself that I could get over my fear of the unknown. I also proved that I need to get into shape if I'm going to survive these next couple of years. With 90+ degree weather before 11:00am, I was pretty sure I was going to pass out. Plus I was excessively glistening (because girls don't sweat) and had a piercing side stitch. Anyway, I found my classes (and a good place to park) even though the map from the university's site was obviously the result of one too many games of beer pong.

Moving on..
The actual first day of classes was pretty nerve-wracking at first because the campus is so much more chaotic when you throw a plethora of wandering freshmen like myself into a rush of upperclassmen that could care less who you are or what you are doing and would prefer you stay out of their way. I don't feel like going back and editing that incredibly long and whiny sentence.
I do sort of enjoy the thought of being in college now, but I guess I'm waiting for those awesome college experiences I hear so much about (that don't involve jello shots or breaking the law).

My Facebook status from that day pretty much sums it up:

"Today was a lot like those dreams I have when I'm stressed out where I can't find my classes, I forget where I am, the teacher is speaking only in Spanish the entire class, etc. Only today wasn't a dream and all of those things really happened. I'm only half positive I didn't go to school naked and/or eat lunch with Mario Lopez."

Well, that's all I got for now. I'm beat. Peace out, homes.


DB

Monday, August 16, 2010

Maybe I Should Have Adventures

One of the many lovely side effects of generalized anxiety disorder is the immense fear of the unknown. I always have to know what's going to happen and what to expect or my mind goes into panic mode. This makes major life changes like, for instance, starting college and a new job within a week of each other absolute hell. Last night I had to make a complete congnitive 360 and decide not to let the fear of not knowing what's going to happen keep me in a constant state of worry until classes start (on Wednesday).
     If you know a little about psychology (or have watched those cool shows like Hoarders: Buried Alive or Obsessed, you know that sometimes a little exposure therapy helps to ease the patient's response to anxiety-producing behaviors (and I'm the nerd that gets a thrill out of researching this stuff. I'm seriously considering clinical psychology as my potential major). So, I've been trying to do a little exposure therapy on my own. Today's mission: Conquering Campus.



Oh, how I love Vampire Weekend. And the song in the video above, "Campus", is a great one for today in particular.                                                                                                                                                                                I am determined to venture out on campus and find my classes/a good place to park. Also, I'm going to look for good places to eat/chill between classes. You guys, I've lived less than 15 minutes away from campus for at least 12 years now, and I'm just now learning where everything is. It's pretty sad that I got lost at Freshman Orientation. The upperclassman guide dropped me and some other students off at a lecture hall to take the math plaement test, and told us to go back to the student center when we were finished. I was one of the last to finish, so I went outside and tried to figure out where the heck I was. There I am, a helpless little freshman, looking at the cryptic campus map they gave us, trying to figure out what street I was on. It was pretty bad.


Anyway, I'm going to give this a shot. We'll see how it goes.


Peace, Love, & Hugs,

Dani

PS. I got a tumblr (as if I'm not already enough of a social networking nerd!)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Death to Facebook

I HATE FACEBOOK.


I hate facebook. I hate facebook. I hate facebook. I hate facebook.


But I can't leave it! I'm not strong enoughhhh. It's cast me under it's spell.


Le sigh.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Off-Season Purchases for Big-Savings

     With the start of fall classes aiming point blank at our summer vacations, the last thing we want to shop for is bathing suits and cute sundresses. Although it's almost time to pack up the warm clothes and dig out chic scarves and warm knits, this is the time to make some frugal investments for next summer. Clothing companies trade out their warm weather wear to make room for cool-climate clothing. If you're like me, you hesitate to buy spring/summer clothing in the fall/winter even if it's a bargain because you are going to have to wait until the weather changes accordingly to show off your frugal finds. However, you don't want to spend an arm, a leg, and your firstborn child to re-vamp your wardrobe each season. It's time to be thrifty in the off seasons so you can splurge on more instantly-gratifying indulgences (like Starbucks everyday after class!). Here are some trendy brands that are cutting back on price (but not style):

1. Pacsun.com

Bathing suit shopping is a hassle no matter what size you are, and finding a perfect fit online is typically even harder, but I was thoroughly pleased with Pacsun's choices. First off, they have an accurate size chart that tells you which to order based on your measurements and how to determine those measurements. Right now, they are running a sale on swimsuit separates that is "buy one get one free," and each piece ranges from about $12.99 to $19.99. So, say you find a top and bottom that you like, each priced at $19.99 and are buy one get one's, you just scored a bathing suit for $20! I got 3 tops, 2 bottoms, and 2 pairs of board shorts for about 70 bucks -- which averages out to 10 bucks each of course (plus, I got $25 worth of in-store or online credit. Word!)

2. Forever21.com

Not only do they have cute summer clothes on sale, but they also have sweaters and jackets for half the original price. Also, some of their summer tops can be layered for fall ensembles. Quick tip: Forever 21 is almost always running a deal on free shipping if you spend a certain amount, so try some collaborative shopping with your friends to meet the minimum amount and be eligible for free shipping.


3. Asos.com

If you haven't checked out Asos, you're missing out on eclectic and glamorous clothing that you can't find in many stores. They have a wide variety of items on sale (not just summer items!) and a customizable search engine that let's you choose your price range, color, size, brand, material, etc. Plus, there's a flat rate of $6 on shipping to the U.S. I am falling in love with this site more and more every time I visit it and can't wait to make my first purchase.

Next summer, when prices go back up, you be glad you took the time to do a little out-of-season bargain hunting. Know of any good end-of-summer sales? Post 'em here.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Analytical View on Kiddy Shows

Yesterday, the boyfriend and I watched Blue's Clues on Netflix. It's kind of one of our things to find random/bizarre/funny/kiddy shows or movies, curl up on the couch, and watch/make fun of them. We decided on Blue's Clues because we both watched it as kids (and because no good "grown-up" shows were on..). As we watched the show, I noticed a stark difference in my viewing experience now compared to when I was a kid (and I'm not talking about the fact that I'm no longer drinking out of a sippy cup, among other things).
What I mean to say is when I was a wee little tot, I'd just watch the show and enjoy the overall visual experience. Now, when I watch these shows, I pay too much attention to detail. Questions fill my mind like, "Is Steve's house a hallway since he can only go left and right?" "Who are the kids that respond to his questions? Are they just voices in his head?" "Why doesn't he teach Blue to write so she can write out what she's trying to tell him and save us all a bunch of time?" "How does the camera crew keep from laughing histerically while watching him prance around and talk to imaginary characters?"
Of course, these shows aren't made for big kids who scrutinize over details. Still, I have the utmost respect for the writers of kiddy shows. I, for one, would not be able to write a script for a show that didn't answer questions of logic. It takes a special kind of person to be able to over look the fact that a 30 something year old man is living on his own, save for a few animated house mates.

Dropped quote from watching Blue's Clues:
"Steve" - You know what we need now! Our handy, dandy...
Boyfriend - iPad!

Another analytical view on catoons:
Smoosh's "If Cartoons Were Real"


Remember that Write or Die thing I mentioned in my last post? I tried it out and failed miserably. 190 words in 12 minutes?? Pshh. I'm sure you can do better than I did. Plus, you get a nifty badge to tell you how well you did. Lemme know how you do!

Friday, July 30, 2010

The "Write or Die" Writers' Resource

Lately, I've found that I can't muster up enough motivation/inspiration to write anything, be it a blog post, poem, short story, essay, ransom note, whatever... The point is, I don't see a point. I always over-edit while I'm writing, and have a habit of talking my self out of writing altogether. A wonderful creative writing teacher/friend told me that when writer's block occurs, just write. "Don't think," she says, "just write." Still, that never seemed to penetrate into my writing habits. My dear readers, I believe I have found a resource that will help with writer's block and procrastination.
Write or Die is one of the most ingenious sites I've ever "stumbled upon," although it seems like an idea so obvious that I wonder why I didn't think of it first. Ohh, yeah.. because I was too busy editing my writing or checking Facebook (I think Mark Zuckerburg is the Hitler of social networking that takes out his competition by promoting procrastination. No one can defeat him when they are milking their cows on Farmville or deleting 46 "What Kind of Kiss Are You?" notifications sent by that chick from high school. But I digress..).
The site in a nutshell: Write or Die allows you to set a minimum time goal,  minimum word goal, consequences mode, and a grace period mode. Once you begin your writing session, you must write non-stop until the time is up, and you must meet your word goal. You may pause in your writing for a certain amount of time depending on your grace period setting, and if you don't complete your writing goal in the time allotted, you suffer a consequence (the severity is dependent upon your consequences setting). Because that probably didn't make a whole lot of sense, you should mosey on over to Write or Die and check it out for yourself.

I have yet to try it out, but I plan to sometime in the next few minutes. If you try it too, post your goal, time, consequences, grace period, and how well you did!

Peace, Love, & Hugs,

DB

PS. I'm still working on cleaning up this site. I want to add some pages to take away some of the clutter from the main page. If you have any other suggestions on how to improve stuff around here, lemme know.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Blog News

Hey guys,

I've been working (and having lots of fun) testing out some new blogger plugins/hacks. I'm trying to clean things up a bit around here because the OCD in me hates the clutter of all of the widgets and badges. I'll also be relabeling my posts into broader categories so that as I aquire more posts, they will be easier to locate based on topic. If you have any suggestions, concerns, questions, or Sonic slushies, I am open to all. If you wanna pair the slushies with any of the others, I'd be much obliged.

Peace, Love, & Hugs,

DB

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Blah Therapy

This past week I've made so many discoveries about myself. While I won't go into extensive detail, I will say that I am thoroughly blessed and humbled by God. 1) I have just landed a job as a receptionist on campus thanks to a recommendation from a wonderful friend. 2) I have the most fantastic boyfriend a girl could ask for. It's true what they say: "You always find something great when your not looking for it." ...or something along those lines? Maybe they don't say that at all and I just made that up? Maybe I should write greeting cards, yes? No. Okay. Continuing..
I found this new site (I'm kind of a time-wasting-site-hoarder, can you tell?) and I must say, it is quite clever. Blah Therapy is designed to provide people with an outlet to vent their frustrations to complete strangers or to help someone else out with their problems. I decided to give it a try, and it yeilded interesting results. So, I signed in as a "listener" and the first "venter" I ever talked to was some Bieber-esque punk trying to pull my leg..

[commentary in purple]

Stranger hey
You Hey there, how goes it?
Stranger bad
You Tell me what's going on
Stranger im going to kill myself [at this point I was thinking, "Either he's a complete moron for warning a stranger that he's gonna kill himself, or he's bored and wants to see how elaborate he can make his story to pull me in." I decided to push his buttons..]
You Can you talk to me about what led you to that desicion?
Stranger my girlfriend is pregnant
Stranger but the baby isnt mine.. its her ex's
You Ohh. How do you feel about your girlfriend?
You Do you love her?
Stranger yes but im going to kill myself so it dosnt matter
You So you don't care what's going to happen to her or the baby? If you love her you will forgive her and help her through this. not take the 'easy' way out.
Stranger nope. i hate her now
You even though the situation sucks right now, there is a reason it is happening to you and not someone else. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and life isn't going to throw you more than you can catch at one time. If you overcome this, you can overcome anything. everything else will seem easier after dealing with this
Stranger f**** the world
You [I layed it on thick. Insert unfortunate event that directly affected me but is too personal to share on the web] and honestly, i thought that was the worst thing that could happen my family. the thought of [::cough::] scared me and I didn't want to live. I've been suicidal many times before [no need to alert the institution. I've would never take my own life]. but there's nothing that can happen to you that you can't handle. I swear on my life
Stranger dude.. i was kidding but im sorry man..
You i know. lol. the guilt trip worked
Stranger f*** man. your good
You i know :]
You i should get a freakin' award or something
Stranger ill present it to you man. haha i fel like an a** now :o
[I told him that it was a pretty dumba** thing to do, but that I wasn't mad. He then proceeded with some small talk like what I was doing, what I want to major in, and...]
Stranger :) hey do you play any sports?
You not really. used to play soccer, but i hated being on the team. loved playing tho. sadly I havent really been keeping up with the world cup. shame on me. u?
Stranger awwh man, haha i was gonna ask you for your name and number :D
[Woahh there, Seabiscuit. CALM DOWN. Needless to say, I said, "I don't thinkk sooo" and changed the subject. But he swung it right back around..]
Stranger yeahh. so can i know your name/?ill tell you mine
You even if i told you, how would you know i wasn't giving you a false name?
You i've always like the name Olivia
You and Aleeah

Your partner has disconnected.

--->Win.

I talked to a girl on there today who actually needed help sorting some stuff out, and I'd say it went pretty well. I won't post it because it wasn't nearly as amusing as the first conversation, but it was nice knowing that I helped some chick clear her mind just by reading her dilema and giving her some feedback. Woo.

Need a little mood booster? I'm going to wager that at least one of these graphs make you laugh...or crack a smile at the very least.

In case you've never heard of them, let me introduce you to "blackout poems." You can find them scattered around the web in various places, but one in particular caught my eye. I want to try one of these one day, for sure. More examples and information can be found here.

Dude! You've got to see this artist paint with bbq ribs. It's absolutely one of the most entertaining things I've seen in a long time. Also, check out some of his other stuff, like cheese puff-ed Conan O'Brien and lipstick-ed Angelina Jolie.


Well, I think I've spread enough url love for one post. Goodnight & God bless.


DB

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Dear Saturday

Dear Saturday,

I have been a loyal patron for eighteen years now and generally have little to know complaints. However, it seems to me that your services have become ineffective, to be quite honest. You promise relaxation, sleeping in until lunch, and going out with friends, but lately I have found myself unable to stay asleep, unable to go out and enjoy myself, and unable to forget about the week. Frankly, my nerves are shot, and my head feels as though a someone took a sledge hammer to it. Please, please, reestablish my faith in you and your corporation. See to it that I recieve the peace and quite that you have vowed in your mission statement.

Thank you for your time.

Dani

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

DIY and PSYCH

I've been on a DIY kick lately. The thought of making something with my own two hands that is useful and visually attractive excites me. Of course, I'm not very good at finishing projects, so I don't want to waste a bunch of energy and money on something I won't complete. For example, my sewing skills are very basic, but I've always wanted to make some cute dresses (like the fabulous ones at ModCloth, which are too expensive for my taste). But my concern with sewing is the technicality of it all and the likelihood that it will look painfully homemade.

Speaking of DIY, take a look at this site, KnittaPlease. Knitting graffiti??? Oh, heckk yeahh. Adding cuddly goodness to a world of concrete and metal -- sooo right up my ally.
With the craziness of starting college classes and quitting my job, my stress level hasn't exactly improved lately. In fact, I'm chewing on my nails right now. Stopppp ittt, Daniiii. I need to try a few minutes of relaxation a day. Do a little stretching, a little clearing of my mind  ...We'll see how that goes.

My psych teacher makes me want to smash my face onto the desk repeatedly. Please allow me to rant for a moment. Reasons she works my nerves:
1. She reiterates everything. No, please continue defining adolescence for the next ten minutes since none of us here have experienced it yet.
2. She misuses words by replacing them with a similar sounding, but completely different word. For example, today maturation became masturation, autonomy became anatomy, and egocentrism became egocetracitosmistical.....umm...egocet....
3. She says "um" so often that I can't focus on what she is trying to teach. I know you know what I'm talking about. When someone uses "like" or "um" after every other word, all you hear is "like" or "um."
4. She showed a movie in a collegiate class. A movie. Not a documentary. Not an educational visual aid. Not even Magic School Bus. She showed The Notebook. You know the one that everyone has either seen a thousand times or has vowed never to watch because it's so cheesy...or too scary?? (I used to be a fan of the movie, but after watching it a few times, it gets annoying). Her justification for the movie was the fact that "Allie" has Alzheimer's disease. If you have seen the movie you know that it does not go into enough detail to deem the movie educational.

Forgive my harsh words and pointless whining. Just thought I'd share that tidbit.

Before I close this post, here's a quick promo:
Feel free to converse with me on Twitter as well. Let's make Twitter suck less :]
Also, I'm a new fan of StumbleUpon. It's opened a whole new world of reasons to procrastinate. Do me a favor and submit this blog to Stumble? There is a link under the Twitter widget on the left side of the page. I'd be much obliged, m'dear.



Peace, Love, & Hugs,

DB

Saturday, June 19, 2010

To Infinite, and Beyond in 140 Characters Or Less

I believe sharing my latest triumph with you all is in order. I quit my job! It's quite liberating. I won't go into too much detail, but working on a register for 5+ hours can only hold my attention span for so long.
Now, it's time to focus on my freshman year of college, although I do have a job opportunity I'm waiting to hear from. But for now, I have time to enjoy life again. See, I am an 18-year-old trapped in the mind of a 32-year-old. I have the constant ominous feeling of responsibility lurking about me. Gotta plan for my future! Gotta save up money for my future! Gotta prevent sun damage and global warming for the future! Well, I say it's time to put the future in daycare and give myself some much needed mental TLC.  Que sera, sera, baby.

______________________________
Dropped quotes that amused me:


Today at work a little girl with curly brown pigtails came up to my register and said, "You're pretty!"
Me: "Aw, hehe, thank you! You're so cute!"
Pigtails: "Yeah, I know."

. . .

Saw Toy Story 3 with my boyfriend and my little sister. Her highness wouldn't let me sit by my boyfriend because she simply couldn't sit on the outside of us.
Me: Emily, can't TJ sit in the middle so we both can sit by him?
Emily: Noooo, I want to sit by both of you. And what if someone tried to attack us? Do you want them to attack me first?
She got me again with her flawless logic. Still, I'm a bit skeptical.

______________________________

By the by, I've jumped on the Twitter bandwagon, and with every new follower I become more addicted. It's like they've spiked my keyboard with Twitdrugs. Dear Lord help us all.



Good night, world.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Solution to the Oil Spill and Freshman Orientation Adventures

I've done some extensive research that I believe may contribute to the containment of the Gulf's oil spill. For some time now, critics and civilians, including myself, have dubbed Aquaman the world's most useless superhero. But today, I would like to propose a solution to the oil spill crisis, and Aquaman is the only entity with the credentials to fit the job description. I won't go into extensive detail, but I will say that the solution involves a mass-sea-creature-evacuation led by Aquaman and a 15 ton wad of Mighty Putty.

Freshman Orientation is super lame. I refuse to wear the lanyard they gave us because it pretty much brands you a freshman. I will give them credit on the complimentary houndstooth pens. Those are pretty freakin' adorable. So, I had to take a math placement test, but I didn't know exactly where to go so I did the logical thing in such a situation and I followed the lanyard-clad crowd. Apparently I picked the wrong freshies because we I ended up at the wrong testing hall. A respectable and heroic campus ambassador escorted me and a handful of other directionally challenged students to the correct testing hall -- which was ways down the road. By the time we got there I was out of breath (which isn't saying a whole lot since walking up my stairs knocks the wind right out of me, but it was still pretty far away).
The test itself wasn't so bad, and I placed in a decent math (ie one that I will actually get credit for...ie not remedial, like I pessimistically expected). After the test, I made my way out of the building just as a class of seniors and juniors were leaving their class, and I suddenly realized I had no clue where I was. It would be understandable and even expected had this been my first visit to the campus. I have lived in the same town as the college for almost 12 years now. Apparently I'm not very observant.
I played it real cool and pulled out my orientation campus map, called my friend on my cell, and began explaining to her that I didn't know where the hell I was.
Eventually, I decifered the cryptic map legend, determined where I was, and made my way back to the orientation site. But I was freakin' ticked off, man.

Anyway, I'm pretty excited about this fall's classes. Tomorrow is the last day of the university's orientation and the second day of summer classes at the community college. Busy, busy, busyy.

And by the way, I'm loving you guys' comments :]

Peace, love, and hugs,

DB

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Hey, Your Shoe's Untied.. Made ya Look!

I accidentally tricked myself into spilling my guts about some stuff. But I spilled my guts to myself, and now I'm kinda glad I did. How do you accidentally spill your guts to yourself? It's simple, really if you, like myself, bury your most painful memories and feelings and "grin and bear" life as it comes to you.
I started a new blog entry and convinced myself that I was going to be honest with the world and lay it all on the coffee table for everyone to see. Thing is, as I got about half way through it, I realized that being honest with people doesn't necessarily indicate revealing secrets. Sure, I've got some crazy, Lifetime movie material stowed away in my past, but that's then, this is now.
Although I'm not posting that draft, I can honestly tell you getting it all out in a more tangible form than just my thoughts helps to alleviate some of the pressure of hoarding those thoughts and feelings. However, maybe one day I'll share snippets about my struggles with an anxiety disorder, but I like the thought of being able to choose who I share that with. If you ever want to talk about anxiety, depression, or anything of the sort, do not hesitate to message me about it. It's easier to share with someone who's been there.
Switching gears, there's this game I stumbled upon tonight, and it's wayy addicting. Check out the Wikipedia Game. Let me know how you do :]

Peace, Love, and Hugs,

DB

Monday, May 31, 2010

Survey

1) Who is the last person you high-fived?

My dad.

::long discussion with my mom on whether or not farmville is cool...::
Mom-What should I buy? A popcorn stand? Some bales of hay?
Me- You should probably buy a big box of I DON"T GIVE A CRAP..
Dad- Oh man..::high five::

2) If you were drafted into a war, would you serve?
I'd serve bacon and eggs.

3) Do you sleep with the tv on?
No. It bugs me.

4) Have you ever wheezed the juice?
I inhaled accidentally while drinking orange juice one time because someone made me laugh. Does that count? No?

5) Have you ever won a spelling bee?
Probably not. I dont even know.

6) Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Yes. No funnn.

7) How fast can you type?
this fast..watch!
kashdkjashdlkajhsdjahlkasakljdsa

8) Are you afraid of the dark?
Not as afraid as I am of cockroaches. And universal health care.

9) What color are your socks?
My feet are naked.

10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
We don’t have any drive-ins. And im not a skankk. Id watch the movie.
Drive ins are fun though. I saw airbud in a drive in when I was, like, five. I still remember it. It rained in the middle of the movie. Sad day..

11) When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
About a week ago. I enjoy occasionally relaxing bubble baths :]

12) Do you knock on wood?
Figuratively. And sometimes literally.

13) Do you floss daily?
Try weekly. Haha. I really should floss more. Is there a special place for noncommittal flossers?

14) Do you wanna Fanta?
Fanta is gggreat. So yeah.

15) Can you hula hoop?
I have MAD hula hoop skills. Not gonna lie.

16) Are you good at keeping secrets?
Yes, but I'm better at telling them.

17) What do you want for Christmas?
A swimming pool full of packaging peanuts.

18) Do you know the Muffin Man?
Was he the bald one on the O’Reilly Factor last night?

19) Do you talk in your sleep?
So I've been told..

20) Who wrote the book of love?
Flava Flaveeee! Yeah, boiiii.
Oh NOO.

21) Have you ever flown a kite?
Unsuccessfully.

22) Do you wish on your fallen eyelashes?
No. That’s odd.

23) Do you whiten your teeth?
I blacken them.

24) Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?
No, but I can smell what the Colonel is frying. SHWANGG.

25) Have you ever asked for a pony?
No. I would have asked for a giraffee or an otter.

26) Have you, or would you ever, donate sperm/eggs?
Sperm. In the Salvation Army bucket.

27) Can you juggle?
Not foreall.

29) If you could enact any new law, what would it be?
I would deactivate the law of gravity temporarily.

30) Do the chickens have large talons?
I just had to google “talons.” Don’t judge me.
They have relatively large talons, sure.

31) If you had only enough energy left in you for one last smile, who would you give it to?
Nice question. I’d smile at whoever was near me. If I only had enough energy for one last smile, though, I wouldn’t really be able to choose who I want to smile at..

32) Are you ready to rumble?
No, thanks.

33) Can you count to Schfifty-Five?
Well, yeah. It’s right after Schfifty-four and three less than Eleventy seven.

34) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No. I'm America's Next Top Model Student.

35) How do you spell relief?
D-to the-E-to the-L-I-C-I-O-U-S

36) Have you ever crawled through a window?
Cheyes.

37) Have you ever eaten dog food?
No sir.

38) Can you handle the truth?
Only on Tuesday.

39) Do you like green eggs and ham?
MOLD!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Post-Graduation Stress Disorder

Where to begin??
This past week has been insane (yeah, I brought that back). Not only did I graduate last Friday and have had to work all week, but my great aunt and grandma came to visit us. And eat with us. And sleep in my bed. And make me play chauffeur. It was like Driving Miss Daisy and Mrs. Doubtfire. I love them both, but their idiosyncratic behaviors started to wear on me.

Aunt RoRo (Roselyn): Hey, what are ya doin' there, Danielle?
Me: I'm painting a picture. ::weak smile::
Aunt RoRo: Ohh, that's real nice. Good job.

[RoRo walks around the house a bit, then re-enters the room..]

Aunt RoRo (Roselyn): Hey, what are ya doin' there, Danielle?
Me: I'm...painting a picture. ::weaker smile::
Aunt RoRo: Ohh, that's real nice. Good job.

[...]

Aunt RoRo: Hey, what are ya doin' there, Danielle?
Me: I'm eating my weight in Popsicles and lolly pops so I can use the sticks and a glue gun to patch the hole in the ozone layer.
Aunt RoRo: Ohh..
Grandmother: [calls from other room] If you're making a mess, you better clean it up! And bring me one of them Popsicles...


Okay, so, the last part didn't happen. But it's what would have happened if I had responded that way the fifth time she asked.

My little sister, Emily, noticed a difference in the way my grandma pronounces the word "measure," and she called her out on it. This infuriated my grandma.
Grandma: Why does Emily think it's funny when I say "may-shuring cup"?
Me: I guess she just thinks it's funny because she's never heard it pronounced that way.
Grandma: What way? May-shuring cup. What's different about that? You say it.
Me: Um.. mez-juring cup?
Grandma: May-shuring cup. I don't hear any difference...


It was exhausting. Anyway, went to see the new Nightmare on Elm Street with my boyfriend. Of course I knew it was a ploy to get me to cling to him at the scary parts. I never watch scary movies unless I have someone to cling to. ;] Weird thing is, I've had reoccurring dreams this past week of being chased, and I'd wake up breathless. Scared my mom half-to-death. Oh, and my dad's first name is Fredrick.
Dun, dun, dun.. the plot thickens.

I'm sure there are a million other things I was going to post, but they aren't coming to mind right now. Maybe I should keep a list going so I will remember these things when I post. Hum.

DB

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I Think It Was Called "Pimp and Circumcision" Or Something

Graduation could not have been anymore boring. But I'm free from high school now, and I don't anticipate missing it for at least another five years or so. I didn't even throw my cap up with the rest of the class. I just stood there waiting until the heard of photo-taking buffalo charged toward us graduates. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating it was to go all the way around the field in search of an open gate to meet up with my family who I couldn't find anyway. Finally found them and my mom is all, "Pictures! Get together... smile!" I got some fantastic gifts and cards (and cash!). My mother dearest got me a laptop, a gift for which I am eternally grateful. Of course, I kind of wish I had complete and solitary control over it. A password protected User desktop doesn't serve much purpose if your mom calls you at work and insists you give her your password. And then laugh at your choice of password.
One of my friends that came to my graduation after party gave me a book called Confederacy of Dunces. You've probably heard of it if you are into literature. It's supposed to be widely known among the literary elite. So far, it's grabbed my attention, and I'm only on page 7. If you have read it, what did you think of it? (no spoilers, please!).
Speaking of literature, if you know anything about the Brontë sisters and enjoy nerdy English humor, then you'll probably giggle as much as I did when I saw the sisters kicking some misogynistic tail.
There are two things I do in life against my better judgement: 1) chew gum in school and 2) listen to Lady Gaga's music. Gaga's songs are so trashy yet catchy. They make me wanna throw on a gawdy leotard, suede knee-high boots, and fake eyelashes that cause mini hurricanes when I blink. Then I wanna turn off my Telephone and Just Dance. And maybe poison people in a diner with my multi-million dollar Single Lady. [check out this acapella Gaga tribute, homes.]

I'm gonna go put on my yellow nail polish I bought today (oh, coooool kiddd).

DB

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Let's All Teach Colorblind Kids to Play Twister

You know you have a problem when the colorblind kid beats you at Twister.

It's high school graduation week, and I should be way more nostalgic/excited. But I'm not. I'm really, really not. This afternoon, we had to practice walking out on the field and receiving our diploma and whatnot. Can't I just practice walking to the mailbox when they send it to me?

How far would you go to preserve your youth? Would you go this far? Honestly, I admire his eclectic style and carefree spirit, but what's up with the outfits? Nonetheless, I got a kick out of reading his postings and viewing his pictures.

DB

Saturday, May 8, 2010

AP Test, Work, Charlie, and Mom

I took the AP English test (only the biggest test of my highschool career), and it slaughtered my very existence. Maybe I'm exagerrating; the multiple choice section was not hard at all, but the essays..yikes. Still, I'm pretty sure I passed and got the college hours for it.

Work was sooo crazy today! I got there at 7am and was supposed to get off at 3:30, but I had to stay until 4:30 (wahhh, poor me).

Your mission: greet customers as if your life depends on it. You are the crackhead that gets a buzz from customer service. Think you can handle it?

One of my supervisors (he's one of my favorites, and he's Egyptian. Way cool.) asked me to stand by the door and greet people as they walk in the door. After watching me timidly and passively tell shoppers "good morning," he decided to let me in on a little business success secret.
"Dani, the difference between Walmart1 and Publix is dat at Publix, the employee wants to check you out. Can't wait to help you find what you need. At Walmart, dey don't make you feel welcome. So, when da customer come in, you gonna say, 'Heyyy, how ya doin'?' and 'You find everythin' okay? You like the hungry shark. Ya going in for da kill.'
Me: o.0

Charlie, my dog, is mental. He runs into walls, chases leaves, and gets his head stuck in cups. And yet, he is a really well-tempered dog. In fact, he's the nicest dog we've had.
Mom: "He is such a good dog. I hope we have him a long time before he dies of natural causes."
Ohhh, Mom.

Speaking of which, Happy Mother's Day (tomorrow!). Be sure to call your mother.

DB

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1I've always wanted to try the balloon thing at work to freak out my coworkers. If I ever do, I'll be sure to tell about it on here.