Monday, May 31, 2010


1) Who is the last person you high-fived?

My dad.

::long discussion with my mom on whether or not farmville is cool...::
Mom-What should I buy? A popcorn stand? Some bales of hay?
Me- You should probably buy a big box of I DON"T GIVE A CRAP..
Dad- Oh man..::high five::

2) If you were drafted into a war, would you serve?
I'd serve bacon and eggs.

3) Do you sleep with the tv on?
No. It bugs me.

4) Have you ever wheezed the juice?
I inhaled accidentally while drinking orange juice one time because someone made me laugh. Does that count? No?

5) Have you ever won a spelling bee?
Probably not. I dont even know.

6) Have you ever been stung by a bee?
Yes. No funnn.

7) How fast can you type?

8) Are you afraid of the dark?
Not as afraid as I am of cockroaches. And universal health care.

9) What color are your socks?
My feet are naked.

10) Have you ever made out at a drive-in?
We don’t have any drive-ins. And im not a skankk. Id watch the movie.
Drive ins are fun though. I saw airbud in a drive in when I was, like, five. I still remember it. It rained in the middle of the movie. Sad day..

11) When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
About a week ago. I enjoy occasionally relaxing bubble baths :]

12) Do you knock on wood?
Figuratively. And sometimes literally.

13) Do you floss daily?
Try weekly. Haha. I really should floss more. Is there a special place for noncommittal flossers?

14) Do you wanna Fanta?
Fanta is gggreat. So yeah.

15) Can you hula hoop?
I have MAD hula hoop skills. Not gonna lie.

16) Are you good at keeping secrets?
Yes, but I'm better at telling them.

17) What do you want for Christmas?
A swimming pool full of packaging peanuts.

18) Do you know the Muffin Man?
Was he the bald one on the O’Reilly Factor last night?

19) Do you talk in your sleep?
So I've been told..

20) Who wrote the book of love?
Flava Flaveeee! Yeah, boiiii.

21) Have you ever flown a kite?

22) Do you wish on your fallen eyelashes?
No. That’s odd.

23) Do you whiten your teeth?
I blacken them.

24) Can you smell what the Rock is cooking?
No, but I can smell what the Colonel is frying. SHWANGG.

25) Have you ever asked for a pony?
No. I would have asked for a giraffee or an otter.

26) Have you, or would you ever, donate sperm/eggs?
Sperm. In the Salvation Army bucket.

27) Can you juggle?
Not foreall.

29) If you could enact any new law, what would it be?
I would deactivate the law of gravity temporarily.

30) Do the chickens have large talons?
I just had to google “talons.” Don’t judge me.
They have relatively large talons, sure.

31) If you had only enough energy left in you for one last smile, who would you give it to?
Nice question. I’d smile at whoever was near me. If I only had enough energy for one last smile, though, I wouldn’t really be able to choose who I want to smile at..

32) Are you ready to rumble?
No, thanks.

33) Can you count to Schfifty-Five?
Well, yeah. It’s right after Schfifty-four and three less than Eleventy seven.

34) Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
No. I'm America's Next Top Model Student.

35) How do you spell relief?
D-to the-E-to the-L-I-C-I-O-U-S

36) Have you ever crawled through a window?

37) Have you ever eaten dog food?
No sir.

38) Can you handle the truth?
Only on Tuesday.

39) Do you like green eggs and ham?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Post-Graduation Stress Disorder

Where to begin??
This past week has been insane (yeah, I brought that back). Not only did I graduate last Friday and have had to work all week, but my great aunt and grandma came to visit us. And eat with us. And sleep in my bed. And make me play chauffeur. It was like Driving Miss Daisy and Mrs. Doubtfire. I love them both, but their idiosyncratic behaviors started to wear on me.

Aunt RoRo (Roselyn): Hey, what are ya doin' there, Danielle?
Me: I'm painting a picture. ::weak smile::
Aunt RoRo: Ohh, that's real nice. Good job.

[RoRo walks around the house a bit, then re-enters the room..]

Aunt RoRo (Roselyn): Hey, what are ya doin' there, Danielle?
Me: I'm...painting a picture. ::weaker smile::
Aunt RoRo: Ohh, that's real nice. Good job.


Aunt RoRo: Hey, what are ya doin' there, Danielle?
Me: I'm eating my weight in Popsicles and lolly pops so I can use the sticks and a glue gun to patch the hole in the ozone layer.
Aunt RoRo: Ohh..
Grandmother: [calls from other room] If you're making a mess, you better clean it up! And bring me one of them Popsicles...

Okay, so, the last part didn't happen. But it's what would have happened if I had responded that way the fifth time she asked.

My little sister, Emily, noticed a difference in the way my grandma pronounces the word "measure," and she called her out on it. This infuriated my grandma.
Grandma: Why does Emily think it's funny when I say "may-shuring cup"?
Me: I guess she just thinks it's funny because she's never heard it pronounced that way.
Grandma: What way? May-shuring cup. What's different about that? You say it.
Me: Um.. mez-juring cup?
Grandma: May-shuring cup. I don't hear any difference...

It was exhausting. Anyway, went to see the new Nightmare on Elm Street with my boyfriend. Of course I knew it was a ploy to get me to cling to him at the scary parts. I never watch scary movies unless I have someone to cling to. ;] Weird thing is, I've had reoccurring dreams this past week of being chased, and I'd wake up breathless. Scared my mom half-to-death. Oh, and my dad's first name is Fredrick.
Dun, dun, dun.. the plot thickens.

I'm sure there are a million other things I was going to post, but they aren't coming to mind right now. Maybe I should keep a list going so I will remember these things when I post. Hum.


Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I Think It Was Called "Pimp and Circumcision" Or Something

Graduation could not have been anymore boring. But I'm free from high school now, and I don't anticipate missing it for at least another five years or so. I didn't even throw my cap up with the rest of the class. I just stood there waiting until the heard of photo-taking buffalo charged toward us graduates. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating it was to go all the way around the field in search of an open gate to meet up with my family who I couldn't find anyway. Finally found them and my mom is all, "Pictures! Get together... smile!" I got some fantastic gifts and cards (and cash!). My mother dearest got me a laptop, a gift for which I am eternally grateful. Of course, I kind of wish I had complete and solitary control over it. A password protected User desktop doesn't serve much purpose if your mom calls you at work and insists you give her your password. And then laugh at your choice of password.
One of my friends that came to my graduation after party gave me a book called Confederacy of Dunces. You've probably heard of it if you are into literature. It's supposed to be widely known among the literary elite. So far, it's grabbed my attention, and I'm only on page 7. If you have read it, what did you think of it? (no spoilers, please!).
Speaking of literature, if you know anything about the Brontë sisters and enjoy nerdy English humor, then you'll probably giggle as much as I did when I saw the sisters kicking some misogynistic tail.
There are two things I do in life against my better judgement: 1) chew gum in school and 2) listen to Lady Gaga's music. Gaga's songs are so trashy yet catchy. They make me wanna throw on a gawdy leotard, suede knee-high boots, and fake eyelashes that cause mini hurricanes when I blink. Then I wanna turn off my Telephone and Just Dance. And maybe poison people in a diner with my multi-million dollar Single Lady. [check out this acapella Gaga tribute, homes.]

I'm gonna go put on my yellow nail polish I bought today (oh, coooool kiddd).


Thursday, May 13, 2010

Let's All Teach Colorblind Kids to Play Twister

You know you have a problem when the colorblind kid beats you at Twister.

It's high school graduation week, and I should be way more nostalgic/excited. But I'm not. I'm really, really not. This afternoon, we had to practice walking out on the field and receiving our diploma and whatnot. Can't I just practice walking to the mailbox when they send it to me?

How far would you go to preserve your youth? Would you go this far? Honestly, I admire his eclectic style and carefree spirit, but what's up with the outfits? Nonetheless, I got a kick out of reading his postings and viewing his pictures.


Saturday, May 8, 2010

AP Test, Work, Charlie, and Mom

I took the AP English test (only the biggest test of my highschool career), and it slaughtered my very existence. Maybe I'm exagerrating; the multiple choice section was not hard at all, but the essays..yikes. Still, I'm pretty sure I passed and got the college hours for it.

Work was sooo crazy today! I got there at 7am and was supposed to get off at 3:30, but I had to stay until 4:30 (wahhh, poor me).

Your mission: greet customers as if your life depends on it. You are the crackhead that gets a buzz from customer service. Think you can handle it?

One of my supervisors (he's one of my favorites, and he's Egyptian. Way cool.) asked me to stand by the door and greet people as they walk in the door. After watching me timidly and passively tell shoppers "good morning," he decided to let me in on a little business success secret.
"Dani, the difference between Walmart1 and Publix is dat at Publix, the employee wants to check you out. Can't wait to help you find what you need. At Walmart, dey don't make you feel welcome. So, when da customer come in, you gonna say, 'Heyyy, how ya doin'?' and 'You find everythin' okay? You like the hungry shark. Ya going in for da kill.'
Me: o.0

Charlie, my dog, is mental. He runs into walls, chases leaves, and gets his head stuck in cups. And yet, he is a really well-tempered dog. In fact, he's the nicest dog we've had.
Mom: "He is such a good dog. I hope we have him a long time before he dies of natural causes."
Ohhh, Mom.

Speaking of which, Happy Mother's Day (tomorrow!). Be sure to call your mother.


1I've always wanted to try the balloon thing at work to freak out my coworkers. If I ever do, I'll be sure to tell about it on here.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Scholarships and Nostalgia

Favorite song of the moment: Coal War by Joshua James

This morning, my school held a ceremony for scholarship recipients and award-winners. Boringg. But I got three scholarships (and super fly commemorative certificates) and my mom cried because her little girl is graduating from high school. I'm truly not as nostalgic and heartbroken as I thought I'd be. I figured I wouldn't know what to do with myself once they let go of our hands and drop us from helicopters at high altitudes to the "big people" world. But mannn, I'm so ready to get on with life. I didn't invest my entire life into high school, and therefore I'm having an easier transition into the collegiate level education. I start two summer classes in June at the junior college, and then I'm hitting the University. Huzzah.

I need to study for the AP English test, so I'm gonna cut this short (I'm so nervous! It's a nail-biter! ..although I already bite my nails for everything else =/ ).


Saturday, May 1, 2010

Simple Wins

The simple wins in life definitely keep me going these days. The vending machines that spit out two butterfingers at once. Just barely avoiding a red light. Getting a compliment from a complete stranger. Sonic slushies during "happy hour." Finding a funny youtube video.
Speaking of whichhhh (I wish I could say I didn't plan that segway..), here are some youtube vids for your viewing enjoyment:
- They found a kid, beat him up, asked him his name (to which he replied, "Rico"), so they named their band "Whoop Rico." Pretty sure Flogging Molly had a similar experience.
-This is one of the funniest mockumentaries I've ever seen. The Beatles in the year 3000.
I'm sorry if you've already seen those before. I hadn't seen them until recently and thought they were quite amusing, so I took a chance.