[written on November 30, 2008]
I woke up this morning with that initial panic. Did that really happen? I'm sure you know the feeling. Something incredible occured in your subconcious thought, but the vividness of the event mimics reality. But the unlikelihood of a woman who owns a mansion and lets people tour her house to see her gerbil exibit made me a little skeptical. Ok, so, it was a dream. But I learned more about God in that dream than I've been learning while awake these past few months.
That woman with graying blonde hair and an old, button down work shirt took me and some others into a room. It had random furniture in it, which made it hard to tell what exactly the room was used for (there were sofas, chairs, a coffee table, and even a tall, kingsized bed). She shut the blinds and told us to wait. I had no clue what was about to happen, but i was compliant. I decided to get comfortable while I waited, so I laid flat on the ground and relaxed. Suddenly I felt like I was levitating, and the floor looked like it was rising, but somehow i knew it wasn't. And then an overwhelming feeling consumed me and I thought to myself, "God is in this room." I began to weep. No. It was more of a sob. You know the deep crying that is so intense that you almost feel happy? That's the one. I don't think I will ever forget that feeling. And now, I long to be wrapped in it while awake. God is not a feel-good God that does everything in His power to keep us happy. He is a God that is so powerful, so awesome, so [i don't think any adjective I list will put a dent in the spectrum of His glory], that when we are face to face with him, we can't help but be filled with the joy of knowing that we serve a mighty and capable God! After the events in the room, I asked the woman what all this meant. I told her that if I was that close to God, I must be dead. I must have gone to be with him in heaven. She said calmly that Jesus had come back. This was the end of life as we knew it. But now we had to go out in the world and live our lives for Him, among the darkness, among the lost. We were to, in a sense, live in the presence of God. In a constant state of awe. When we did that, she explained, nothing else in this world would matter. And people would take notice. I wish it was as easy to do that as it was in my dream. But until I put to death the things I've held on to these past few months, there will be no room for living the way I was created to live. My prayer is that I could find peace in His arms, and that you all do as well. I just wanted to share what He laid on my heart, whether this blesses you, irritates you, makes you want to sing, makes you want to throw something, makes you want to go get a smoothie..(???)..whatever. I love ya'll and want to thank you for the encouragement I've recieved from you lately. You guys mean the world to me :]